Barbara Lee’s granddaughter once said, “Grandma is an angel; you just can’t see her wings.”
The truth is Barbara Lee is even more than that. You realize it the minute you see her photograph or walk into her room. Supportive mother, loving wife, friend to strangers — these are just a few of the earthly qualities that make people gravitate to her, that make her so special. Right away you see that her smile is infectious, and her love for her family — immeasurable.
Barbara Park Lee was born on April 25, 1931 in Sanford, Colorado. She was born two months premature.
“They called me a blue baby, I wasn’t breathing so well. They gave me a coffee enema. Somehow the doctor knew that that would revive me, I guess. In those days, you were born at home. So here I am,” she said with a warm smile.
Sanford, Colorado, is just south of Alamosa, about three miles off the main highway. It’s a farming community — population 817 —, which was settled by Mormons in 1885. It’s too small and too far off the highway to even warrant either a movie theater or a gas station. When Barbara was born, it was even smaller.
Barbara doesn’t know too much about her parents, Stanley C. (aka Sung Chull) Park and Helen (aka Oki) Chung. Her father died when she was almost three years old. He passed away from a bout of pneumonia. Then her mother became ill. Although she lived for several years, Barbara wasn’t able to see her mom because she was sent to Carville Louisiana, where they took care of people with leprosy — today called Hansen’s disease. In those days, isolation was common.
Barbara recalls, “I just remember, probably when I was around five, she had to leave us so I don’t know very much about how my parents were. In the early days, I just heard from the friends who knew our family that our family was well respected. My mother learned how to make Danish bread, and doughnuts. She was especially known for her doughnuts. Routinely, my brothers’ friends used to try to finagle a way to get back to our house to see if my mom had baked any more doughnuts. They were that good.”
Barbara and Edwin first visited Sanford in October 2000. They got lucky when they walked into the small general store and found a woman who knew the community well. They told her that Barbara had been born there and that they were looking for someone who had known the family. They found Dwayne Cornum, who lived just a few blocks away. Through Dwayne, Barbara and Edwin were able to capture a little more of Barbara’s family history. Apparently they had lived in Sanford for about eight years before moving to California.
They also met another friend of Barbara’s siblings, Quinn Morgan and his wife, Pauline. Dwayne and Quinn actually worked for Barbara’s father when they were teenagers. They said when her father was there, he managed a couple of ranches or farms. He gave them their first jobs —tying the cauliflower leaves over the cauliflower so that they wouldn’t get sunburned. Dwayne and Quinn truly respected him because he had had faith in them and actually paid them the going wage for an adult (ten cents an hour). They were about the same age as Barbara’s older brothers, Woody and Lloyd, and sister Lucille so they all were pals together.
On the subsequent visit to Sanford in September 2001, Barbara and Edwin were accompanied by Barbara’s sister, Lucille, and their daughters Karen and Kathy. In addition to seeing Dwayne and Quinn again, they also met Clarence and Ramona Martin, Kenny Jones, Willis and Alma Crowther, and Madge Christenson (the keeper of the Sanford historical museum). Clarence also remembers working for Barbara’s father and was also their contact on this trip.
They told the family stories about how Lloyd had a wild horse, named Snort. Snort would only let Lloyd ride him. Anybody else, he would buck them off. He was supposed to be a very fast horse so there were quite a few stories about Lloyd and legendary Snort.
Martin and Jones also said that Barbara’s father was very innovative in his farming techniques — clearly ahead of his time. He farmed cauliflower and potatoes. He was one of the first farmers in the area that would grow the cauliflower from seed and then plant the seedlings. As a result, he had a much higher yield of his crop. One year, Martin recounted, all of the other farmers had a bad year with the cauliflower – it wouldn’t grow all that well and they couldn’t get a good price for it. Barbara’s dad’s cauliflower, however, was very good and he received favorable pricing.
“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family” —Robert Bradbruy
Barbara was blessed with five loving siblings — Woodrow, Lucille, Lloyd, Artie, and Ted. Barbara was the youngest of the brothers and sisters.
When their father died, they left Colorado and moved to Los Angeles, California, staying with some Korean friends there. Then they moved to Glendale where Woody started up the produce section in a market located in Glendale. He eventually ran the whole market. With both parents gone, he, at the ripe old age of 19, was the head of the household. It was quite a responsibility for such a young man.
When World War II broke out, Social Services wanted Woody to put Barbara and Ted into an orphanage so that he could go into the service. He said no; he had two children to take care of. He actually had to fight them and ended up becoming Barbara and Ted’s legal guardian.
“My sister got married when I was pretty young, maybe eight or nine. So then I lived with my four brothers. My brother, Artie, had to take me shopping for things like underwear. He was so sweet. He was my favorite,” said Barbara fondly “Later on, he and my brother, Woody, were probably my favorite brothers. Woody, I appreciated more and more after I grew up because I realized what a tremendous responsibility he had to support a mother and five siblings. At just nineteen years old. I look at other kids that age now and marvel about Woody supporting a whole family.”
“To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides” —David Viscott
Few people meet their soul mates so early in life, but Barbara did. She was eight; he was eleven. His name was Edwin Lee.
“I remember I was so scared of him. He just seemed so much older and grown up. We had a big walk-in refrigerator for the produce and vegetables and all, and I used to go in there and hide whenever he would come to visit. He actually came with his oldest brother, George, to visit my sister, Lucille. George and Lucille eventually got married. I’m the youngest and Edwin is the youngest,” said Barbara. “When I was young, I was afraid of him, and then I kind of got a crush on him only I didn’t tell him until now.”
And so the story goes.
“Well, I had confided in my sister. She asked me if I liked anyone. I admitted that it might be too much but that I had a crush on Edwin. I thought he was worldly. He was in the Air Force and seemed so grownup. I had met some other Korean girls just before that and they thought it was wonderful that I was related to Edwin. One girl even told me that she and Edwin were going to get married when he came back. I waited a long time before I told Edwin these stories because I wasn’t going to tell him about the other girls before I got him!”
Edwin remembers, too.
“That was how we actually met. Later on when I was in the service and on a 30-day leave to come home for Christmas of 1953,George and Lucille had invited me over for dinner and invited Barbara, too. I think they had an ideas we might hit it off and we did,” he chuckled.
“We didn’t really see each other much at all during the teenage years. My brother opened up a produce place in Glendale and Woody helped him by going to the city market and buying the daily produce for the store. Grandfather and George ran it. George was actually the head of the household for us, too, because my dad would travel throughout the Central Valley of California raising money from the Korean people to aid Dr. Sygman Rhee in his fight for Korean independence. As a result of that, George was the money earner. We used to go over to Woody’s house all the time. When he started to date Lucille, he’d take us on his dates sometimes, when we were small. That was how I first met Barbara.
“What did I think about her when we were little? Well, she was just a little girl and I was just eleven. She would be running around hiding. She wasn’t pesky; she would just run someplace and hide so I really didn’t notice her too much until we met again at George and Lucille’s dinner. She had really blossomed into a very beautiful girl.
“After the dinner, we had a few dates and then I asked her to wait for me until I got out of the Air Force. She said are you out of your mind? So I had to get out of the Air Force,” he teased. “Actually, I went back and made my request to get out of the Air Force after I found out that UCLA would accept me back into the College of Engineering. My request was accepted and I was released from the US Air Force in July, 1954. I proposed about nine months later and we were married on June 19th, 1955.”
“There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship than a good marriage” —M. Luther
The day before Barbara and Edwin got married, they stayed at friends of Barbara’s who had a house near Santa Barbara.
Ken and Margaret, the special friends, actually made the arrangements for the church. They were the only ones at the wedding besides Artie, who was very protective of Barbara. All throughout her growing up, he was very good to her.
“We were married eleven months before Eddie came,” reminisced Edwin. “Barbara was working and I remember that I was studying really hard. I was going to UCLA then. Barbara was working as a secretary for the city attorney of Glendale before we were married. After we got married, she had some temporary secretarial jobs. Even after she was pregnant, she continued to work because I was going to UCLA and we didn’t have too much money. It helped out.”
“You are the bows from which your children, as living arrows, are sent forth.” —Kahlil Gibran
“We had agreed that we wanted to have four children. I put my order in for two boys and two girls. Edwin jokes that I made him sign a statement saying that if we got married, we had to have two boys and two girls. Ed fulfilled the contract,” laughed Barbara.
“Having Eddie was so thrilling. I still can’t get over it. It was like a miracle that this little baby can be inside of you. It was so much fun with him. At that time we lived in a garage apartment in Los Angeles. It was a very small apartment above a very small two-car garage. The dining table actually folded up and down so we could use it in the kitchen to eat. We had a normal size double bed, which barely fit in the room. You had to walk around it. We had a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen and a living room, and that was the extent of it. There was no room for Eddie’s crib so he had to sleep out in the living room and then if we put his playpen in the living room too, you couldn’t walk by on each side because it was too narrow. It was small and it was cramped but it was nice just having a place of your own. Edwin was going to school and we couldn’t afford anything else. We bought a two-bedroom house in 1957.
“Each child was very much a joy. Eddie was such a good baby. I would take him in the stroller and get a few groceries. It wasn’t too far. And then later on when we moved to the two-bedroom house, the family grew. I didn’t drive until I was pregnant with Kathy but I didn’t have a car anyway. I remember running with Kathy in the buggy. I was so lucky to have a buggy. I put her up in the front and Mike, a toddler then, would sit up in the back and I would be running down the street with this buggy trying to get to our meeting spot before Eddie and Karen got out of school.
“I remember when Karen was born. The neighbors said it was harder to see Karen than it was to see the Pope (they were Catholic). I missed Eddie so much when I was in the hospital having Karen because I had no phone in the room. I was in a bedroom with three other mothers. If you wanted to call you had o go out in the hallway so I didn’t talk to him or see him for five days. I had a C-section. When I came home I could hardly wait to see him, I missed him so much. My arms were aching to hold him. I saw him up on the porch and I said, ‘Oh Eddie.’ I opened the door and I thought he’d come running to me. He ran towards me but did a 180 degree turn and said, ‘Baby sister, baby sister.’ So he ran in the house after his baby sister, Karen. I eventually got my hug.”
To their parent’s delight, all of the children played well together. Barbara recalled the antics of her second son.
“Mike was so cute. He was four years younger than Eddie and seemed to enjoy his big brother’s activities. Mike had always been so protective of the family. He liked to ‘guard the house.’ The girls talked him into sleeping in front of the door so when you came up to the house he was right there.”
Barbara learned how to take care of children at an early age. When she was staying with Woody, his wife, and two children, DeAnn and Kenny, she was actually helping to take care of them. DeAnn remembers.
“I will always treasure the special time during my childhood when Auntie Barbara lived with our family in Glendale, California, and took care of my brother, Ken, and I. One of my favorite times was when Auntie Barbara would take us to the corner store for an ice cream treat. To this day, one of the many wonderful things I associate with Auntie Barbara is good food, the tastiest and the best!
“It was also during this time that my Auntie Barbara taught me a lesson I'll never forget. We were eating a fish dinner one night, and, being somewhat unruly, I recall running around the table with food in my mouth. I remember Auntie Barbara telling me I should sit down so I wouldn't choke, and, sure enough I got a fish bone stuck in my throat. Auntie Barbara had me immediately swallow some bread and it cleared my throat. It's a life saving lesson I'll never forget. My heroine again.”
Barbara’s love of children stems from an early age. She remembers in grammar school the teacher asking everyone in her first grade class what they wanted to be when they grew up. She wanted to be a mommy. The kids in the class laughed but she knew then what she wanted to be.
“About parenting: You know more than you think you do.” —Benjamin Spock
One fun story about Barbara is that she liked to keep the children very clean. When Barbara and Edwin moved to their new house, their next door neighbor, Mrs. Wylie, told Barbara that she shouldn’t dress Eddie in white overalls. He was going to get dirty too quickly. Barbara’s response was that they used to be blue!”
Barbara and Edwin created a warm and enriched environment for their children. They were encouraged to experience new things and to learn music, play sports, and achieve leadership roles in school. Often, the Lee house would become a haven for their friends. Barbara encouraged the friends to come over.
“Yes, I did because I wanted to know who their friends were. I wanted to make sure they didn’t hang out with any bad kids and be tempted by peer pressure. We tried to keep them busy with this and that. I just wanted them to learn as much as they could about everything. They took to lessons so well. They were like a sponge. I wanted to broaden their interests in music, art, and in as many things as they could.”
One thing that was important to both Barbara and Edwin was that their four children learn how to play the piano.
“I told Edwin the children are getting older. You have to get a piano soon because we don’t own one and I really wanted them to take piano lessons before they got so deeply involved in sports and everything. We didn’t have carpets, we didn’t have drapes. We didn’t have much but we eventually had a piano.”
Eddie, Karen, Mike, and Kathy all remember spending hours in the car waiting for each other to finish their piano lessons. All four of them took lessons and everyone had to wait for everyone else. That was a long time to sit in the car waiting so they would do their homework. Barbara would have all of her magazines with her — Woman’s Day, Family Circle, and others, and she would go through them and pick out recipes to try. Some people are reluctant to try something new but Barbara Lee. In an adventurous moment she would say, “This looks great, what do you think?” They’d all get hungry and then she’d drive them home and make the dish. It would be wonderful.
Barbara would try recipes for every kind of cuisine you can imagine — from every ethic background. The Lee children didn’t grow up with just Asian or American food. They were exposed to a nice blend of Italian, Mexican, American, and food from other cultures.
“Our friends used to love coming over,” said Karen. “‘Mom Lee’ would feed them all. We have a real fond memories of her food and all of our friends. It was wonderful food and she would make enough for everyone.”
Once she had an entire football team over. The house was full of big six-foot-four guys. Barbara made fried wontons and an incredible meal. She said, “Boy, they eat a lot.” But of course she had enough.
Another time she had the Stanford gymnastics team over. That was when Mike was on the team and they had a meet at UC Santa Barbara. The next day they were going to Long Beach City College. They stopped at the Lee house just before the Long Beach City College meet and she cooked Korean barbecue beef, also called Kalbi . Everybody really enjoyed it — they ate a lot! When they got to the meet, they were so full, they missed some of their routines. Mike said it was the worst meet of the year. But they were happy. The coach was not.
“Many of our friends called her Mom. And they often asked, ‘Can your mom adopt us?’ They really loved being at our house. We had an open door policy. We were welcome to invite our friends over. I don’t remember Mom every saying no, our friends couldn’t come for dinner or lunch. We always congregated at our house. Some of the friends in the neighborhood had parents that both worked or their house was too perfectly neat. Not that our house was messy. It was relaxed.”
“I wanted to know their friends,” said Barbara. “I had to be careful that they didn’t get in with a bad group of friends. It’s so hard with peer pressure. We tried to keep them busy with lessons, and with this and that.”
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” —P. Picasso
“I wanted them to learn as much as they could about everything. They were like sponges. They would soak up everything they learned. I wanted them to broaden their interests — not only in academics but also in the arts, in music, in as many areas as they could. I guess they had some of these things at school but they didn’t have real lessons.
Even though Barbara may not admit that music, arts, and culture are her passions, her creativity knows no boundaries.
“She is extremely creative,” said Kathy. “When we were growing up, there was always a craft or a cooking project — always some sort of activity that would stimulate a child’s mind. She is like a natural born teacher in that way. She always knew how to keep the children going. We were never bored.”
“She was a great seamstress,” added Karen. “She always sewed our clothes, even for our proms. We laugh that she would still be sewing our dress as our dates were walking up the drive. They were beautiful dresses. And our Halloween costumes — Mike was a knight in shining armor and Kathy was a princess. All homemade. She could look at something in a magazine, like a costume, a quilt, bedding or a pillow, and reproduce it just like that.”
The children always had amazing birthday parties, magic shows, all-you-can-eat banana split parties, haunted houses, and other magical activities. Eddie had a rock band called The Midnight Shadows. They even had a concert in the backyard where they sold tickets. The Lee house was rarely quiet.
For Kathy’s birthday party, Barbara made an apron for everyone at the party, with their names embroidered on the top. The aprons even had a pocket flap with a little girl’s face so that when you closed the flap, eyelashes would flutter and close.
Eddie remembers a birthday party that Karen had.
“Mom and Dad got these big pieces of plywood. Mom painted the bodies of cartoon characters like super girl, a bathing beauty, an alien, and a knock-kneed skinny boy. The kids came to the party and stuck their heads through the holes. Then Mom and Dad took their pictures. They were great souvenirs from the parties. It was a great party.”
Barbara is humble. “I’m not very original. I can try to copy something but as far as being an artist, I can’t do that on my own. I can copy a drawing. I can do arts and crafts if I have the directions.”
Kathy and her siblings disagree.
“There are other types of creativity — like never running out of ideas,” said Kathy, now a creative director herself. “I never got bored. Mom would always have something for us to do. How many kids get to make sugar Easter eggs with tiny scenes inside? I think mom is creative in that way — always thinking of new things and new ideas.”
Like the house for Goldie Locks and the Three Bears. While Edwin built the house, with a lot of backup support from Eddie, it was Barbara who made sure they got their money’s worth. The house still sits in the Lee’s living room today. Throughout its long life, it has been a post office, a library, a store, and even a restaurant.
Barbara remembers those special moments.
“One of their favorite times with the playhouse was when they wanted to play restaurant. One would be the chef, another a waitress. And they would come out with the menu and check off what you would like. They would play with play money. We made Jell-O and in those days we had those little dolly dishes that look like little Pyrex. So we put Jell-O in there and spaghetti and they would eat off these little dolly dishes, which produced probably two bites a serving. They would serve each meal and then dessert. We put a little lamp on the table. All four of them would play.”
Mike and Kathy took the restaurant and retail business one step farther. One day they decided to copy their parents’ credit cards. They couldn’t figure out why their mom didn’t want them to copy the numbers *too* exactly...
“You campaign in poetry. You govern in prose.” —Mario Cuomo
All four of the Lee children were involved in student body. It started about the time Eddie was in elementary school until Kathy was in 12th grade in high school. It was a challenging twelve to thirteen year span.
They all remember when Eddie was elected president and Karen won for varsity cheerleader in 10th grade. They went to school together to see what the election results were. They were so happy for each other that Eddie picked her up and swung her around. They both jumped up and down with excitement.
The political success of all four siblings was no accident. It was the result of hard work and dedication by the entire family. And team work. Especially when it came to campaign posters and tags. Edwin was the technical guy, setting up the assembly line, wondering how they could become more efficient. Barbara was the creative force.
“They made it easy for us,” said Barbara. “The children did a lot of this on their own. They give us a lot of credit but they did all the work. Their teachers called them the ‘Lee Dynasty.’ That was quite a compliment. We tried to make the posters and tags as colorful as we could to attract the eye. In those days, it had to be done by hand. You couldn’t make color copies. You had to paint them all by hand.
“I stayed up a few nights. I just wanted to help them as much as I could because success builds on success. I wanted them to feel good about working hard and accomplishing something, and then they tried harder the next time.
“Poor Kathy. I look back and I have to apologize. She would ask me, ‘Mommy, can I go out and play?’ And I would say no, you have to help.” She smiled.
The quality of the campaign posters was heads ands shoulders above everyone else’s butcher paper posters. They might have cartoon characters or be a reproduction of Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road album cover. The posters all had themes and slogans. One was “Let it be, Eddie Lee for President.” It was always something that was popular at that point in time. The Beatles came along at just the right time, they joke. The Elton John theme was “Follow the yellow brick road and vote for Eddie Lee.” At times, the Lee home seemed more like a design house or an advertising agency than anything else.
The children would hand out their campaign tags at school and then their mom would come at lunch and meet them out in front with another bag of tags that she had been working on. Karen remembers her dashing in and handing them another 500 tags. She always made sure they had enough to last throughout the day. Then they’d work furiously through the evening. It was quite a production. People were amazed that their parents were so supportive.
And these weren’t just simple campaign tags that you made out of a piece of paper that said, “Kathy Lee for President.” They were made of different colored, multi-layered construction paper that had to be cut separately, glued together, trimmed and written on. They were very intricate. The students would want some between campaigns — anticipating what Mrs. Lee would come up with to outdo herself.
“We used to have as many as three campaigns at once,” said Edwin. “At the end, when Kathy and Mike were running, there had been enough years that we dug out our old posters, took Eddie and Karen’s names off and put their names on. Barbara actually saved all their old posters.”
“Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children.” —Mignon McLaughlin
Christmas, Easter, and Valentines Day were always big celebrations. For example, Barbara and Edwin had the children make valentines for each other. They made mailboxes out of cereal boxes and decorated them. Every holiday was a celebration whether it was a birthday or not, it was always a joyous occasion. No matter how tired they were, they always celebrated.
“You always hear or read about that it’s nice to have traditions because that’s what really grounds a family and keeps them together. I think Mom and Dad always did that. There were always traditions and special moments when we were growing up. One of them was the arrival of the Tooth Fairy. Everyone leaves a tooth out and you get a quarter or whatever, but in our case, not only did we get a coin but we got this very elaborate note, with curly Qs.
“I still have my notes — they were so special,” said Karen. “There were times when Mom and Dad were obviously exhausted and didn’t have time to leave a note. So two or three nights later, there would be a note from the Tooth Fairy saying, ‘I’m so sorry I am late in writing this note but there was a big storm and I was blown up to the North Pole — and I couldn’t’ get back down to Los Angeles.’ We (the kids) were all trying to decide if it was really the Tooth Fairy. We really scrutinized that note!”
“It doesn’t matter how old Mom and Dad are, they’ll always think like kids. They’re mature, but they have the ability to get inside a kid’s head and create fun. As adults, we often lose that. Mom and Dad always knew how to play with us and make it an event. Even to this day, Mom says let’s get out the dolls. And Dad will ask if he can have a razor scooter for Christmas or maybe rollerblades. Being young at heart is very important because lot of people lose it at a young age.”
Auntie Virginia, wife of Lloyd, has the same reflection. “One afternoon Lloyd and I paid a visit to see Barbara. When we arrived she was on the floor with lots of toys playing with two of the children. She was so young, pretty, and such a loving mother. We thought of her as almost one of the kids, as she was having just as much fun.”
“I remember one of the most fun times we had was going to Zuma beach as a family,” said Mike.” We’d bring every ball known to mankind and we’d have sand chairs and music and we’d stay there from noon to six or seven o’clock sometimes. We’d bring our friends, too. One of Eddie’s friends was so grateful that we included him, he couldn’t thank Mom and Dad enough.”
And then there were the late-night shopping trips.
“We’d all go shopping with Mom and it would be late at night, but there was a sale so we’d all have to go. We all remember the store making the announcement that they were closing in ten minutes. Mom would say, ‘That’s okay we have time. Try this On!’ She knew they always kept one least exit open. We still have vivid memories of the gate coming down. Mom would say, ‘Run, children, run.’ And we all would scramble under the gate. To a kid, it was great fun.”
Other examples of fun included ice cream runs at night. The kids would all be in their pajamas when Barbara and Edwin would come in and ask, “Who wants to go out for an ice cream run?” They’d all be wearing bunny pajamas with the feet and jump out of bed, piling into the car. They have such fond memories of going to Foster’s Freeze and getting cones dipped in chocolate.
“Our parents were spontaneous. We weren’t this family that had to be in bed by eight o’clock on the nose. Mom and Dad would give us a little leeway.”
Barbara, on more than a few occasions, would serve the children ice cream for breakfast. Sometimes it would accompany her latest cake creation from the night before.
Even dating could be a family affair. On Eddie’s first date he was going to go see Elton John and the whole family took him. Eddie says you haven’t lived until your whole family goes on a date. The kids kept turning around and staring at him. Barbara recalls that the girl was nice, but a bit on the quiet side. Eddie told Karen later, “Karen, I should have taken you. You would have been more fun.”
Karen remembers that date, too. “Dad and I were standing outside the fence and we were singing and dancing. I think this brings up a good point about parenting. One thing our parents always did was to encourage us to do things as a family. If Eddie ran for president, it wasn’t just Eddie running for president. We all helped. It was just assumed that we would all help each other. And it wasn’t this ‘everyone out for themselves’ type of thing. If we were going to pick weeds, we were going to do it together. If we were going on vacation, we would go together.
“That’s not common these days. Nowadays everyone just does their own thing. Even piano lessons, we all went together. I think it was just assumed if Eddie was running for president, I would hand out his tags to all of my friends and he would do the same. It wasn’t like Mom and Dad said to us, you have to do this. It was just instilled in us. The other person’s success reflects on the family. It’s hard to get your kids to be rooting for each other these days. Yet, we did that.”
“No man knows what he can do until he tries.” —Publilius Syrus
“This is just a reflection of what we were taught growing up,” said Karen. “My daughter, Elizabeth, came home from school with homework and said this is what I have but part of it is optional. I said, ‘Elizabeth, you’re a Lee and if you’re a Lee, there is no such thing as optional. Optional is mandatory so you just do it.’ And she said she understood.
“Mom and Dad never actually said that to us, it was just something that was a given. Just like going to college was a given. I think helping children to be self-motivated is hard.”
Barbara agrees. “The hard part is how do you instill that self-motivation? Karen is right. I never told them they had to do everything but somehow they learned that whatever you do, you do to the best of your ability and knowledge. It’s not just for the grade or the sense of accomplishment but just to do your best. If you’re going to spend any amount of time on a report, activity, or project, make it the best that you can.”
Barbara and Edwin’s four children are their proudest accomplishments in life. Eddie is an anesthesiologist. Karen is a pediatrician. Mike is an ophthalmologist. And Kathy owns a creative design firm.
“They made us look good. A lot of that is their desire to accomplish their goals. They’ve done it on their own.”
“The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.” —Victor Hugo
“As children and even as adults today, we all have a feeling of unconditional love. We never felt put down. We always felt special. Today, we feel so secure and confident as adults because we had this strong and powerful foundation that built character and confidence. It was just wonderful.”
Eddie, Karen, Mike, and Kathy were loved, and well taken care of.
“We were sick a lot. In retrospect, we probably had asthma. We were always coughing all winter long so we stayed out of school. Mom didn’t want us to go and get everyone else sick. She had a toy phone wired through the hallway and Dad would set it up. We could actually call them and ask them to bring us something. Dad would teach us card games to keep us busy. Back then there were no Game Boys. Mom had a lot of great ideas. And she would always pick up our homework so we could keep up. It was like being home- schooled. In a lot of ways, the environment at home was a lot more enriching than the school environment. Mom and Dad would have all kinds of things going on. At school, you’d kind of get bored, but not at home. Plus, there was room service. Thankfully, Mom labeled ice cream as medicine.”
Kathy remembers how hard waking up in the mornings could be, especially on cold mornings when Barbara would come into their rooms, cover them with extra blankets, tuck in the corners, and say gently, “Wake up, dear.” She says it took everything they had to resist this cozy feeling and get up to meet the new day. She recalls fighting with herself, thinking, “Mom, I’ve got to get up. I’ve got to go to school. I felt so snug and so loved. It was the best feeling.”
“Growing up with limited resources we didn’t have a lot of money and that was good because we had to take care of our things,” added Karen. “We weren’t going to get another doll if we ruined it. Today, it is a very disposable society. Back then, in the good old days, we really had to take care of our stuff. Even if we had been wealthy, our parents still would have taught us that. I think just the fact that we were all aware that money wasn’t plentiful, we all pitched in. We couldn’t hire a gardener. We mowed the lawns and picked the weeds.
We all took swimming lessons and we wanted a swimming pool. We had neighbors with a pool. We thought it would be nice and we had a large enough yard but Dad said, no, it’s always good to want something. So we learned to swim in a little red wagon and we had the basin in the bathroom. We would put our heads in and practice. And even though Mom didn’t know how to swim, she watched and knew what we were supposed to do. She would stand us in front of mirror in their bedroom and have us practice our strokes. And she was our coach. She knew what we needed to work on.
Karen continued, “I don’t think we realized how much our parents sacrificed. We weren’t wealthy but as kids, we thought we were wealthy. All of us took piano lessons, swimming lessons, oil painting lessons, clarinet, and martial arts. We didn’t realize how much they gave up. We knew we were lucky but we didn’t know how lucky. We’re sure that on more than a few occasions they were faced with the dilemma of having to cut back in other areas so they could provide us with these wonderful opportunities — so we could be the best we could be. They didn’t go out to dinner, didn’t out to movies, and didn’t go to parties. They always opted to give us these opportunities. As kids, it was just wonderful, but as you get older, you realize that there was just a tremendous amount of sacrifice on the part of Mom and Dad. We are so grateful and appreciative now.”
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” —Confucious
“When I was 8 years old, I was lucky enough to stay with Auntie Barbara, Uncle Eddie, and their new baby boy ‘Little Eddie’ in their one bedroom, upstairs apartment in Los Angeles,” said niece Janet Lee. “The washing machine was downstairs. Everyday, Auntie Barbara would walk down the stairs with her heavy load of diapers (and there were a lot of them), sheets, towels, clothes, etc. to wash them. Then, she'd hang them on the clotheslines outdoors to dry. (Yes, clotheslines. No clothes dryer in those days.) Afterwards, we'd usually go shopping or for a walk, pushing ‘Little Eddie’ in his baby carriage. When we returned home, we'd take the dry clothes off the clotheslines. Boy, did the clothes smell fresh! But, almost always, the birds would poop on the clean laundry. Auntie Barbara would take these down and re-wash and re-hang them, which took a lot of time. She never complained or seemed pressed for time. She took everything very calmly. I can still picture her hanging and taking down the clothes from the clotheslines.”
“I'll never forget the time that we baked a cake together,” said Harry Souders, Janet’s son. “I had never before used an electric mixer, yet Aunt Barbara still trusted me to mix ingredients. When it came time to mix all of the dry and wet ingredients, I filled up the bowl and flipped the switch. Seconds later there were bits of half-mixed cake batter thrown around the kitchen. I felt horrible! I had dirtied her always immaculate kitchen. She, of course, was un-phased. I tried to apologize — as usual, she wouldn't listen. She wasn’t agitated in the least. Very calmly, she said, ‘Oh, it's okay, that's what makes cooking fun.’"
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” —Aesop
“The thing about Barbara is that she is a very caring and giving person,” said Edwin. “She is one of these rare individuals that when she does something for a person, she expects nothing in return. For example, Judy and Janet are her two nieces. When Judy was having one of her children, she was having trouble and needed some help. Barbara went over there and spent about a week with her, just to help her.
“Another time Janet got very sick. At that point in time, her husband was not a big help so Barbara went over to help out for about a week. They had two small children. Actually, that was a turning point for Janet’s husband. While Barbara was there, with her very giving personality, he changed a little bit, and became more giving, too. She has that influence on people. She’ll actually put in very long hours and even though she is tired herself, she will do whatever is needed if somebody else needs the help. She doesn’t expect anything in return. She leads by example.”
Patti Oh, George and Lucille’s daughter, agrees. “Until I was seven, I thought everyone had an aunt to play with. I looked forward to cuddling and laughing when she had sleepovers at my house. Later, when Auntie Barbara and Uncle Artie had their apartment, I spent the weekend. Sleeping on the sofa bed, helping in the kitchen, going to the park or the beach with Auntie Barbara's friends — I enjoyed it all. Then, in junior and senior high school, I took her warmth and acceptance for granted. I never questioned how a mom, raising four of my young cousins, always made me feel special whenever I visited. Only as an adult, did I realize the gift I had been given. Auntie Barbara has been my guide; showing me how to have a loving, courageous and compassionate life, just by living with integrity moment by moment.”
Colleen Shur, Edwin’s niece, remembers a loving home in Canoga Park. “I would ride my bike there and Aunt Barbara would give me cookies and milk. This was especially kind, as my stepmother would never allow this so I cherished the milk and cookies. But more importantly, I cherished (and still do) the time she spent with me. I want to say that I am a good mother to my kids, and it did not happen from my immediate role models. The two people in this world who taught me to be kind, patient, loving, and caring are Auntie Barbara and Judy. My two beautiful boys will grow up in a loving household because of the effect she has had on me. She truly touches people like an angel.”
“Most of what I feel and know about children, I learned from Auntie Barbara while I was growing up — not from my graduate courses in child development,” said Judy Roller, Edwin’s niece. “I remember watching Auntie Barbara playing peek-a-boo with ‘Little Eddie’ after awakening from his nap, gently kissing Karen's little toe after she stubbed it, talking to her children as little people, so tenderly and so compassionately. As her children grew, I remember Auntie Barbara running to the door to greet each person as though he or she was so special, with her joyous smile followed by her warm hug. She was always filled with so much energy and life, even after preparing huge meals on those weekend get-togethers — meals that I rarely saw her enjoy, yet her enjoyment seemed to be in knowing that we all appreciated the meal.
“When you're a child growing up, you're asked, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ I always wanted to be an Auntie Barbara. I' m still trying to be an Auntie Barbara. Yet in my heart I know that I can only approach her level of perfection, because Auntie Barbara is the closest a human can be to an angel.”
Even friends of the family recognize Barbara’s great kindness. “When I think of Mrs. Lee it only puts a smile on my face,” said Judy Saute, Kathy’s best friend growing up. “There was never a time in the 36 years that I have known her when she didn't make me feel so special and important. She is always happy and giving. Her acts are always filled with love and compassion for others. I don't think I can ever remember a time when I saw Mrs. Lee doing something for herself. I spent thousands of hours on Amond Lane and there was Mrs. Lee running around for everyone else. If she had ever opened a restaurant I would have eaten there nightly. I loved everything she made, from homemade wontons, to corn chip tamale pie.
“My favorite memories of Mrs. Lee (besides eating constantly at her house) include the excitement of knowing I got to play at my best friend's house after school on Fridays and waiting for Mrs. Lee to drive up in that big, white station wagon. Once I saw her car I knew the next few hours would be filled with love, fun, laughter, compliments, great food, and special memories.
Allen Saute entered into the Lee circle of kindness by default. “I married Kathy's kindergarten friend, Judy Cassidenti. Judy had been close with the Lee family way before I had ever known her. And as an outsider, it is usually uncomfortable to come into a group of extremely close friends and join in the fun and laughter, which comes with the love that is shared after so many years. Joining the Lee family of friends was as easy as writing your name.
“On each and every visit, I was greeted with such incredible warmth and compassion, as though I was a member of a truly loving family. I felt like a king. Conversations flowed like a river; smiles abounded with the roar of laughter and chuckles of happiness. Mrs. Lee made me feel special. I was always eager to visit even after long periods of absence due to the distance. I still wonder what she's like in a bad mood. No one has ever mentioned it in all of the years that I have known the family.”
Even a high school coach was touched by this woman. “I guess Mike was about twelve when he and Barbara walked into the gym at Cal State Northridge,” said Coach Dan Connelly. “She, of course, wanted Mike to take gymnastics a little closer to home since at the time he was going to Los Angeles to learn from Mitsuo Mori. By the end of our conversation I realized that she was a very loyal person and that it was going to be difficult for her to take Mike away from Mitsuo. However, I am sure that taking Mike to gymnastics, Kathy to piano, and Eddie and Karen to their respective endeavors pulled her to make the decision and Mike started training with me. I did not know it at the time but that was the first day of a wonderful relationship for me with the Lee family. Mike became a highly proficient athlete, Kiku and I attended Kathy's piano recitals, the family took in one of Sam & Christie's puppies, and Eddie even took my sister on a date.
“All of these things and many more enriched my life because Barbara came into the gym that day. I knew immediately that she was a loyal person but as I came to know her I realized that she was possibly the nicest, kindest, most helpful person I had ever known. The thing I think is most unique is that no matter what Barbara did for someone, there was never any expectation of anything in return. And I think in the world in which we live, that is incredibly rare.”
Barbara naturally seems to draw people to her, says her family. In their large church of about 5,000 members, she is naturally a shy and private person. Yet at church, everyone seems to gravitate towards her and want to help her.
“I talked to one of the pastors and she said, ‘Tell me about your mom.’ I gave her a little background. The pastor asked, ‘Is your Mom’s name Barbara?’ And I said yes. She said she had been hearing about Barbara for weeks and weeks. She said it was amazing the outpouring of support for ‘Barbara’ out there. It’s interesting that even in her quiet way, people are compelled to show her their love and support.”
All the pastors have said they feel the goodness coming out of her. She smiles and lights up a room. And people are drawn to that.
“We cannot build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.” —FDR
“Since we are all parents now, we’ve been thinking about this. What can we do with raising our kids that even comes close to what our parents did? One thing that comes to mind, that Mom and Dad did, was looking at each child and determining what they were good at and making sure they felt good about it. We’re all different. You can’t put one in one activity and expect all the others to like the same. Mom and Dad would look at each child and figure out how they could bring out the best in them. There wasn’t a cookie cutter recipe. It was so interesting to see how deftly they would parent and bring the best out in each child without pressuring them or yelling at them — with just positive encouragement. There was always a positive spin. You just don‘t see that today. As parents now, we all know how hard it is.”
“Words of wisdom” —Barbara Lee
Barbara, in her humble and gentle way, still beams when she looks at her grown children. To date, they are her greatest accomplishment. Her legacy is a family where love and kindness is paramount. Her home — a loving environment filled with adventure, creativity, and fun. She and Edwin have reared four good people who are not only successful in their professional lives, but also in their personal lives. All are passing along qualities not often found in today’s world to their own beautiful children.
“My advice to my grandchildren is to do the best you can, be respectful, and respect your elders because by doing that, it teaches you to respect other things, too. As far as the family is concerned, help one another because that gives you your togetherness.
“I am so proud of my grandchildren. They are doing so well. And it seems that history is repeating itself. My oldest grandchild just ran for student council and won for his homeroom. He was so excited.”
Barbara considers herself fortunate in so many ways. “Edwin and I are lucky that our children have such wonderful spouses. That means a lot. They are very supportive. We feel so blessed because you know that everyone has a loving spouse and you don’t have to worry that they’ll have problems along the road.
“I think our greatest wish is that our family will always take care of one another because we won’t be here forever. Take care of each other because family is so important. For our children and grandchildren to grow up to be kind and considerate to others, that would also be one of our greatest wishes. I want them to be that kind of human being. I’m so proud of them, the way they are. I can already see these qualities being passed down. It is a wonderful feeling to see it happen and to watch them all grow into that kind of person.”
❤️ 🥰 💕
